Mirror

I haven’t looked in the mirror in over two months. While on this flight I went to the bathroom, looked into the mirror on my left and didn’t know the man I saw in the reflection. Is that significant? Not really. But it helps me to understand I can change.

The thoughts going through my mind are outrageous. At times I want to fall off of this Earth and create my own path with my past completely behind me. I lost my Mother and I thought my life was over. In fact, I’ve lived so recklessly I’m surprised my heart still beats.

But you know, my Mother wouldn’t want me to live like this. She always wanted me to be happy and she always cared for me and listened to me and made me the man I am today. And with her passing I have gained a Father.

My Father and I never really had a good relationship. When I was younger all my friends liked him and he would wrestle with us and make jokes and what not; but then he wasn’t around. Always driving back and forth to Atlantic City to run his Dental Clinic. When he was back in Quincy, he was busy coaching Marianne’s field hockey team and occasionally he would come to my activities.

It was at this time I started rebelling. I started drinking, smoking weed, having sex, listening to rap music, and skateboarding. All things every 12yr old kid should do.

My point is, he would be the only one right now I would be worried about leaving if I fell of this Earth. It’s now that I think he needs me most and my Mother would want me to be there for him. So I will.

SM 00:57